I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
