she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
