I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
