so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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