He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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