You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We are all done wearing pants today
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
