she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
