Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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