Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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