We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
