So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
