I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
