Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
