he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
