Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
