There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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