We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
