I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
