is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
