He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
