my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
