remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
