Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
