all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
