how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
