My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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