I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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