Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
