Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
