One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We are all done wearing pants today
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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