It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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