im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
