you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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