i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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