Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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