My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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