no, he came in my armpit
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
