I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We have so much sex to catch up on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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