pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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