Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She needs sedatives and a leash
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
