You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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