I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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