So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
