Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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