did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you would pick up someone in the library
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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