Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
