im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
