a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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