I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
