So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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