remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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