Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
