Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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