So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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