I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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