I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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