my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
