forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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