new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
