Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
