office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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