I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
