There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
