So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so let's talk penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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