What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
