He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
