I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
