Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
