i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
