I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny