He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.