just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
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Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult