the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
