No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
