Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
