In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
