im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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