16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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