Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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