her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
