It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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