As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
