be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
