How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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