I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
