I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
