Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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