My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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