I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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