Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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