i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
