does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
